


o capitaine, mon capitaine

by uumiho



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Multi, Piratestuck, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:03:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uumiho/pseuds/uumiho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The many sexual exploits of one Captain Karkat Vantas, told in snapshots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	o capitaine, mon capitaine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SybLaTortue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SybLaTortue/gifts).



> So, my [favourite ever Homestuck artist](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/) dropped some hints about how she would not be opposed to more words being written about her art, and because I am _terribly_ easy to enable, I did the thing. 
> 
> Based off several Piratestuck pieces, which will be linked to in-text.
> 
> Content warnings that I didn't feel like tagging for that will appear somewhere in the text, possibly very briefly:  
> \- Twincest  
> \- Fisting  
> \- Sex magic  
> \- Toys  
> \- Three/foursomes
> 
> That's about it. Have fun, my ducklings.

_ >[un.](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/70739230216/the-day-she-almost-caught-captain-karkat-vantas) _

The fog rolls, almost like a gauzy privacy curtain in the way it obscures them from view. The dingy alley they’re standing in probably does better for that than the fog does, but that’s a lot less romantic. Arguably, the fact that she has her sword drawn is the least romantic of all, or the most romantic if one considers she’s also caressing Karkat’s chest beneath his shirt.

His fingers trace the curve of her cheek, eyes intense as he studies her in all her scarred, grinning glory. “Are you _really_ going to take me in, Terezi?” he asks, voice low.

“Yes,” she says viciously. And then, “No. Maybe. Don’t test me, Vantas.” Terezi’s voice has an edge, but it softens when Karkat runs a thumb over her chapped lips.

“Are you sure?” he taunts, barely flinching when she digs her sharp teeth into his flesh. He’s got thick calluses; barely even feels it. “Terezi,” he rasps. “Terezi.”

Her face falls, and then she’s crushing him against the wall, her smaller frame strong and wiry against his bulkier one. He’s only got an inch, maybe two at the most, on her, but he weighs about four stone more. Despite this, Terezi is mercilessly forceful in holding him back, her mouth crushing against his.

Karkat surges forward, cradling her face as he kisses her, both hard and gentle somehow, tender except for the way his teeth dig into her bottom lip, the way he holds her in place, not letting her reel back as he breaks skin.

Finally he lets her go, smirking at the snarl on her face. “I—” she begins, then scowls, wiping the blood off her mouth with her wrist.

“You?” he prompts.

“Get out of here,” she orders, pointing off down the alley. “Before I change my mind, Captain Vantas.”

“I wouldn’t dare give you the opportunity,” he says, good natured, and swoops in for one more kiss, licking the leftover blood off her mouth, his hand fit to the miniscule curve of her backside. A squeeze and a final nip later and there he goes, disappearing down the road into the thickening fog, leaving her with nothing but bloody teeth marks and the taste of him still on her tongue.

Until next time, that is.

* * *

_ >[deux.](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/124201183446/bullshit-voodoo-ritual-featuring-the-strilonde) ([xx](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/134102968636/anon-said-well-from-the-recent-answered-asks)) _

“Not to denigrate the experience or anythin’,” Dave says, “but I really don’t think we need a repeat of last time.”

Rose holds her chin. “It was one for the history books, but… I agree. Tentacles with suckers aren’t as erotic an experience as they’re portrayed in paintings.”

He nods solemnly, because he had weird welts on his dick for half a week after that, even though it’d felt great at the time. “So… How are we going to get rid of it?” The betentacled horror that’s stuck itself to the bottom of the ship, keeping it from going anywhere at any kind of reasonable speed, is hardly as frisky as the last monster they ran into, nor is it particularly offensive, but it is inconvenient and thus needs to be dealt with.

“I have a ritual I could perform,” says Rose, leaning over the edge to try and see a tentacle or two moving through the water. “But I’d need a—”

“Hey, chucklefucks!” a voice rings out across the deck. “Why the fuck is my ship not moving? Did we stop for afternoon tea?”

Dave finishes the sentence for her, “—sacrifice?”

She meets his knowing look with a wicked smirk, and says, “More of a host,” and Dave snickers, and melts off the railing, moving fluidly toward their captain.

“Yo, Captain K,” he greets.

“Didn’t I tell you that if you ever called me that again I’d tie you to the mast during the next storm?” Karkat hisses through his teeth.

“Yeah, technically, whatever,” Dave says, flapping his hand. “Rose an’ I need to see you privately about the giant octopus currently makin’ love to the ship.”

“Giant… octo…” Karkat repeats, staring off the edge of the rail, as if he could see through the ship’s wood and into the water where the beast lies. He shakes his head to clear it. “Okay, yeah. It isn’t trying to get up close and personal with any of the crew, is it? Because last time...” No one was particularly work-ready after that experience. Tentacles are weird.

He snorts. “S’what we’re hopin’ to avoid, Cap,” he says.

“I swear to fuck, Dave.”

“Meet us in the ladies’ quarters when you’re done bein’ all captainly or whatever,” Dave says dismissively, stalking off. Karkat’s going to punch him one of these days (and then ride him hard in front of the rest of the crew, just to show who’s boss) but today is not that day, so Dave doesn’t sweat it.

He does sweat all the candles, though. “Where’d you even get all these?” he wonders, looking around Rose’s cabin like it’s infested with the plague. She’s strung up sheets to separate her space from everyone else’s.

“I’m resourceful,” Rose says, paging through the quintessential large, musty tome. Rose doesn’t really need a spellbook—her magic is pretty loosely defined in the sense that she makes up ways to execute what she wants to happen—but she has her weird monster kinship that does require a bit of research before she attempts to commune with one of them. Or, in this case, tell it to go away. Her plan right now is to imbue an artefact with an aura that should repulse the biological organisms of the highly dubious variety and keep them out of waters within thirty metres of the ship.

By ‘artefact,’ she means their Captain.

Dave flops on her bed, staring at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. “He’s takin’ too long.”

“Patience,” Rose says, closing the book with a crisp sound. “I’m sure he has a very good reason for keeping us.”

“Yeah right,” scoffs Dave. “I bet he’s just gettin’ his bulge sucked and totally forgot we wanted to see him.” Dave turns out to be half right, or half half right, because when Karkat finally knocks he has olive green genetic material on the corner of his mouth and telltale bite marks visible on his neck. “Wow,” Dave says.”

“What?” asks Karkat.

“You got somethin on your—” Dave rolls off the bed smoothly, getting up in Karkat’s face to prod at the spot on his dark lips. “I see how important we are to you,” he snarks, faking a pout.

Karkat shoves him back. “Fuck off. Jade and Nepeta were having some kind of facesitting competition and they asked me to be judge; I’m still not sure what I was judging, but— You know what, Strider, I don’t owe you a fucking explanation.”

Rose cuts in neatly, voice low and sultry, “Nor would we demand one, Captain. But please: the matter at hand.” It’s about that point that they notice that Rose is shirtless, dark skin bare but for a single white cloth about her hips. Said hips cock appealingly, and she smiles. Karkat finally notices the candles.

“What the fuck,” he says, blinking.

“We were hoping our noble Captain would assist us in a ritual that should cure our monster affliction,” Rose explains.

“Uh,” says Karkat.

“By ‘we,’ she means herself. I’m jus’ here to take advantage of the situation,” Dave interjects.

“Hush,” Rose says, even though it’s technically true that she doesn’t _need_ his help. His natural energy balances her, though; keeps her from losing focus. Also, her brother is a very lovely sight, and Rose has little in the way of shame. “He helps, in his own way. The question is: will you?”

Karkat looks back and forth between them; Dave still hovering too close, Rose lingering in the background, enticing. “IIII don’t see why not,” he hedges, cautiously optimistic even though gambling on a Strilonde promise when they’re looking at something like _that_ can be risky. Just in case, he doublechecks. “None of this involves chopping off my bulge, right?”

Rose leaves the response to Dave, who throws an arm around Karkat’s shoulders, drawing him into the room and kicking the door closed behind them. “Trust me, Kat, chopping it off is the _last_ thing we want to do with it.” Karkat hasn’t the energy to correct him, so he follows them into the hazy mess of candles and sheets.

It’s Dave’s nimble fingers that divest Karkat of all clothing, his mouth full of snark which is quickly replaced by Karkat’s tongue, teeth nipping punishingly when Dave tries to return the favour. Naked as the day he was hatched and already unsheathed and dripping (not that it’d take a lot after the earlier hijinks) Karkat fixes to get Dave up against a wall, but Rose slides nimbly between them. “Ah-ah,” she says. “We’re operating on my terms right now, Captain.”

She has foregone the accoutrement—her only adornment is plain; an earring, a tight band around her wrist. She doesn’t need anything fancy for this spell, mostly because she doesn’t _want_ to need it. Rose plays by her own rules, hard and fast, then gentle and slow, as she wills. At this time, she’s willing Karkat to the ground, hands skimming his chest. His bulge stains the fabric of her skirt, searching for them, but she doesn’t touch. Not yet.

Karkat’s on his knees when her fingers sink into his nook. He gasps hard, falling back on his wrists. She presses in to the furthest knuckle, and Dave, leaning against a wall observing, spares a hand for the front of his pants.

Deft fingers pulse inside Karkat’s hot nook; it doesn’t take him long to start making noise, which escalates when the sensation suddenly stops. Karkat blinks at Rose, wide-eyed, taking in her smirk and dripping red fingers. Then, she reaches forward and draws a line across both of his pectorals. “Huh,” Karkat grunts, craning his neck to look down. “So this is what we’re doing.”

She smiles. “It is indeed.” Her other hand goes to rub at one of his grubscars, and Karkat goes down. He catches himself on his elbows, legs unfolding as Rose pushes back inside him and thrusts for several seconds before again withdrawing.

“Here, Cap,” a voice says, suddenly behind him. “Take a load off.” Then Dave is coaxing Karkat back, guiding his head into Dave’s very bare lap. Rose cocks an eyebrow at her brother, who mockingly cocks an eyebrow back. Karkat snaps his fingers to get their attention.

“Save the incestual eyefucking for your own time,” he instructs. “You’re paying attention to me now.” He can feel Dave’s cock, soft-skinned and warm, against one of his horns. He feels Dave’s abdomen tense when he laughs lowly, almost inaudible. He turns his head.”Hey.”

“Hey what?” Dave asks.

“Hey nothing. I thought you were taking advantage of the situation.”

He blinks. “I thought I was.”

Karkat angles his neck until Dave’s erection is no longer touching him, and he gives it a pointed look where it hovers in the air beside his face. He sets his hand on Dave’s thigh. “Do better.” From where she is perched over his thighs, Rose giggles, then smears more of Karkat’s nook lubrication on his torso.

Dave gets his drift, taking his dick in hand and stroking it thoughtfully, before holding it still where Karkat can reach it with his mouth. He shivers at the first fleeting touch of tongue. Karkat’s ministrations stay fleeting, bestowed mostly during the seconds where Rose is painting instead of fingerfucking him. He strokes Dave’s thigh and pays attention to how his cabin boy’s muscles clench and flex as he soaks up even the littlest bits of affection.

When the lovely expanse of toned grey skin is marked with arterial red from cheekbone to upper thigh, Rose sits back on her heels, sucking her own fingers idly. Karkat stops mouthing at the side of Dave’s cock to give her a questioning look. Dave takes a few seconds to catch up, his brow furrowing when he realizes the touching has stopped on all counts. “Is that it?” he says, not quite whining.

Scoffing, amused, Rose says, “Of course not. Now Karkat just needs to turn over.” Dave’s face goes a little blank as he envisions it, then he scoots back an inch to give Karkat room.

Karkat who… looks between them again, at dark skin and pursed lips and the way Dave’s adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, the way he licks the bite marks Karkat left on his mouth. He would have turned over anyway, because it’s hard to say no to Rose, but his primary motivation in that moment is getting his face back on Dave’s. He gasps into Dave’s mouth when Rose’s fingers enter him again from behind, three instead of two, and she rocks her hips against her wrist like she’s fucking him with a bulge she doesn’t have. (Of the three of them, Dave moans the loudest.)

Dave’s chest is not smeared with occultic symbology, so Karkat feels no shame in kissing down his neck, biting his nipple here, clawing at his hip there, until his tongue is coursing between Dave’s abdominals, until his face ends up buried in Dave’s crotch once more. Rose hums, and removes her hand, and grinds her hips, pushing Karkat forward just enough so Dave’s cock is a hot line pressed against his face, his mouth open and gasping against Dave’s balls, which after a second he proceeds to lick. Rose misses a stroke admiring the way Dave keens, how he brings a hand to the back of Karkat’s head to encircle his horn, rubbing, keeping him there.

She has to rub with her wrist to clean the mark away, replacing it in the proper spot, even though her attention is very much split between her work and Dave, groaning and squirming, and Karkat, smirking triumphantly as he licks all the way up the bottom of Dave’s shaft and then down again, sucking at soft skin and listening to Dave keen.

The last marks come quickly and clumsily, up Karkat’s shoulders and down his spinal column and over the magnificent curvature of his ass. Karkat works his way back up Dave’s cock until he’s mouthing teasingly at the head, keeping both hands firmly on the floor and letting Dave not-so-subtly steer his mouth where he wants it (resisting when Dave tries to coax Karkat to take his dick _into_ his mouth, snickering when he whines). He’s drawing lazy circles on Dave’s frenulum with his tongue when Rose drops her palms to the floor, crouching, and buries her face in Karkat’s exposed nook.

He’s too busy moaning to do much after that, so Dave gets indignant, gets a bit cocky, and uses the hand Karkat hasn’t yet banned from his horn to pilot him until his mouth is again at the head of his dick. Dave balances for a second without a hand to support him, grabbing his cock and holding it in place as he gives Karkat a wanting tug. Karkat, done with teasing him, obediently opens his mouth.

Rose hums and closes her eyes, and power starts to flow through her. Dave feels her energy tingle in the base of his dick, like Karkat’s becoming some kind of etheric conduit. It’s weird. And hot.

Karkat slides down until he gags on Dave’s dick, withdraws for only a second before falling back on him, groaning around the hard flesh filling his mouth. At least it doesn’t actively _try_ to choke him like a bulge would, despite being way harder to fit down his throat. He manages. Rose does too: getting her hand around Karkat’s bulge and her tongue into his nook, fucking him insistently as she continues calling upon her powers, letting it gather in the palms of her hands, the underside of her tongue, where it tastes bitter and sharp and bright.

She feels when it’s time, but is reluctant to pull away. Karkat makes only a soft sound of loss, but doesn’t stop bobbing his head rhythmically up and down Dave’s shaft; Dave with his hand in Karkat’s wild hair, bent over with his weight on one hand, breathing heavily. Every so often his hips twitch up, like he can’t quite control them.

Hurried, Rose withdraws, pulling out an actual magical channel—carved from the bone of a sea monster, the toy is dark like onyx and smooth aside from the symbols scratched into its surface. She’s careful but doesn’t give much warning when she shoves it into Karkat’s nook. He moans responsively around Dave’s cock, and Dave makes his own sound of agreement, fisting his hand tightly in Karkat’s hair, hips moving more insistently.

There’s music, maybe, as Rose fucks the toy inside Karkat, mouthing words of magic and intent, fucking him to a rhythm, humming along and only touching herself a little as she gets caught up in the moment.

Dave starts getting close. Rose reaches over Karkat’s back and grabs her twin’s hand. “Not yet,” she purrs, still thrusting the tool in and out of Karkat’s dripping nook. “Him first.” Grunting to cover a small whine, Dave nods, muscles clenching as he holds back. Then, to distract himself and help the ritual along (as was promised he was capable of) Dave grips both of Karkat’s horns, rubbing them ardently, getting high off the sudden reaction that flows through Karkat’s body like a wave.

It doesn’t take much longer before cherry red gushes from Karkat’s nook, and Rose’s eyes go a vivid, unreal purple as she channels her magic into him in his moment of physical and mental vulnerability.

Karkat slumps with his face against Dave’s thigh, drooling a bit. Dave pets his hair, breath quick and shoulders trembling with exertion. After a moment, Karkat shifts, lifting his hand for inspection. “Am I supposed to feel different?”

“Not really,” Rose says. “It’s a simple spell. Monsters will find the magic that’s now inside you repulsive, and will keep away from the ship.”

Dave lets out a breathy snicker. “Damn, Rose, are you sayin’ Cap’s ugly or somethin’?”

Karkat punches him in the leg with a loose fist. “Shut up.” He thinks about it. “So, does that work out of water? Like, can monsters not attack me period, now?”

She pauses to consider it, not seeming to notice when the bone in her hand drips a thick string of genetic material down the front of her exposed breasts. “I… suppose so, yes. I didn’t fully consider the longterm consequences.” Is this an oops moment? Rose can’t decide.

“Okay, well, this is a great conversation an’ all,” Dave interjects, “but my dick’s about to pop off.”

Lips curving into a devious smile, Rose sets the stained toy aside. “Is it now.”

“Yeah,” Dave says, propping his hands on his knees and leaning forward challengingly. His dick is still at full mast, stiff and covered in pink drool, as is part of the wood floor.

Rose weaves her hand into Dave’s hair, pulling him close. “Then by royal decree, we’d better do something about that.” She kisses him lightly on the mouth.

Karkat sidles up to them. “Since when are you royal, you liar.” His nose brushes below Rose’s ear as he kisses her neck, his hand going to one of her tits (which he’s secretly been wanting to fondle since he first saw her without her corset on).

“Since I said so, and you’ll refer to me as her highness if you want to get your bulge in me any time soon,” she teases, tilting her head to give him more access.

“What about me?” Dave pouts.

Rose hums, trailing her fingers up Karkat’s back until she can wrap them around his ponytail, tugging his head back to expose his throat, like she’s putting it on display for Dave. “You can come too, I suppose.” He laughs, and doesn’t complain.

* * *

_>[trois.](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/116756238656/ive-been-wanting-to-draw-piratestuckjadekat-for) _

The crew makes scarce pretty quickly, but Karkat stays behind. Some days he just isn’t in the mood for whores and gallivanting, despite having several crew members who are good at both. Dave tries to needle him into accompanying them, ignoring as his twin calls his name, but Karkat gives him a shove and the middle finger, stalking off to his cabin where he can be alone and free to brood.

He’s not really brooding over anything in particular, just stuff, just things, Karkat likes to brood, it was one of his favourite past-times as a grub, just sitting around hating himself and his life (even though he loves his life) until he jerked off to his own misery and— who the _fuck_ is knocking at his door?

When Karkat pushes the door open he finds his first mate, and blinks. “Is there a problem, Jade?”

Jade giggles, which is both like her and unlike her. She seems fluid, looser than usual, as she slides into his room and slumps with her back against the wall, an easy smile on her lips. “I thought it was unfair that you were stuck in here like this,” she says, running her fingers over his shirt.

“I’m not stuck anywhere,” Karkat protests. “I just didn’t want to go out.” If he sounds petulant, it’s because he is. Jade laughs like a braying horse and grabs his clothing, pulling him closer.

“Maybe I got tired of being out too,” she says.

“Oh, sure, you drunken harpy,” Karkat says, rolling his eyes.

“Maybe I just didn’t want you to be alone,” Jade parries, face suddenly serious. She doesn’t even smell like she’s that drunk, really, so the abrupt sobriety doesn’t faze him.

Karkat pats her shoulder. “I don’t mind being alone.”

“Yeah, well,” she says, hand trailing down until she can tug at the waistband of his pants. “We mind. You’re always a big pain to deal with after you work yourself up like this, and I’m here to stop it.”

“How so?” Karkat asks, ornery (even though he’s getting an idea of what she wants).

Jade grins. “Let me give you a hint.”

He ends up holding her full ass in his hands, bulge deep inside her, thrashing inside her warm, uh, whatever it is humans call their nooks. He didn’t bother committing the weird technical term to memory. Jade is all sun-heated brown skin and luscious curves, thick and strong thighs wrapping around his back to hold him in place as he pins her against the wall. Karkat’s hips rock gently, his face buried in her shoulder as Jade mumbles an encouraging spiel of compliments at him, not quite as gibberish as Dave can produce, but equally endearing.

She scratches the skin around one of his horns and mewls at him, squirming in his grasp. “You know, Captain,” she murmurs wickedly against his ear, “You can fuck me a _lot_ harder than this.”

Karkat pauses. He was enjoying the gentle pace, but he wouldn’t object to a change. Not against the wall, though, where he has so little leverage. “Oh really.”

“Really,” Jade says eagerly, rolling her body on his bulge like she’s channeling the boneless aesthetic. It’s very effective.

“I can arrange that,” Karkat says, and scoops her into his arms, bulge still inside as he hefts her weight and moves to drop their combined weight onto his bed.

* * *

_ >[quatre.](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/75751913347/would-first-mate-sollux-and-cabin-boy-dave-ever) ([xx](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/127988977821/whoops-more-of-these-four), [xx](http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/127920325251/i-cant-anatomy-tonight-so-have-vague-sketches-of))_

The treaty agreement goes south, but not in the way one might think. ‘Bet my cabin boy can top yours,’ Aradia had said, and Karkat took the bait, and got himself all good and riled up puppeting Dave while Aradia did the same with Sollux, guiding fingers to nooks, bulge-to-dick, trying to get Dave to fuck Sollux hard like he knows Dave can. It turns out to be counterproductive, because Dave ends up so far into subspace from all the foreplay that Sollux gets him face down, ass in the air while he fucks him on one bulge and has the other wrapped around his dick.

Dave comes in no time flat; owned by a scrawny blind loser in clashing colours. Damn.

“Best two out of three?” Karkat suggests. Aradia cackles and they shake on it.

They switch it up for the next round, mostly because Karkat doesn’t think his or Aradia’s bulges can handle being left out a second time. The winner of this round is whoever can get their captain off faster, which is definitely rigged in Dave’s favour because he is a bulge worshiping master.

True-to-expectation, Karkat ends up on his back with four of Dave’s fingers inside him thrusting hard and fast while he sucks down Karkat’s bulge, barely gagging even as it squirms down his throat. Sollux has Aradia’s curvy thighs over his shoulders and his tongue is enthusiastically fucking her nook, and she’s making a racket but Karkat thinks it’s half for show, half to intimidate his cabin boy into thinking he’s losing when he absolutely will not, because Karkat is a slut and also a soft touch and he knows how to push Dave’s buttons to get him to succeed.

“Good boy,” Karkat murmurs under his breath, just loud enough for Dave to hear. It’s a bit difficult to talk with how hard Dave is fucking him, but he manages. “That’s a good little bitch, fuck me harder until I’m screaming for you, right? Keep going,” he encourages, and Dave whimpers audibly around his bulge, slurping up drool and genetic material as he pulls up the shaft, flicking his tongue at the tapering tip before parting his lips wide and letting Karkat’s bulge crawl right back down his throat where it wants to be. Dave’s eyes fill with tears and the muscles in his neck convulse, but he doesn’t gag or pull off, barely loses rhythm with his hand, and he meets Karkat’s gaze, mouth stretched wide around the base of his bulge, his eyes shiny and leaking and _fuck_ if that is not the hottest thing.

They have this round in the bag. “You’ve got this,” Karkat continues, running his fingers through Dave’s hair as his muscles clench and twitch. “Look how good you are at taking all of th- nngh, that. Yeah, mm, good boy.”

Dave keens, and the vibrations crawl up to the root of Karkat’s bulge, which Dave is now massaging through the wall of his nook, all four fingertips hard and insistent.

He is extremely close; it feels like it’s only been a few minutes, but he couldn’t say. Aradia is still hollering her approval to the skies, but that’s not important. He grabs Dave’s hair in a fist to keep him where he wants him, now, tugging insistently. “Keep going, yeah, you’re doing great, _ahh_ —!” There’s no way to really fake a troll orgasm, at least not until the third or so go, when they’re out of genetic material to drain. Right now his globes are so swollen he’ll be lucky if he doesn’t flood the entire damn ship when he comes.

Speaking of his globes, Dave has finally gotten his thumb in, while Karkat was off losing his mind over how good Dave is at taking a bulge. He’s only done this once before and it was on accident, but this time he knows exactly what to do and his hand goes straight for Karkat’s globes, wrapping around one and squeezing gently.

Karkat goes off like a firecracker, screaming and nearly kicking Dave in the face with how hard he writhes. He can’t get away—Dave’s _entire fucking hand_ is still inside him, and it’s _too full_ and _too much_ and _too good_ and he’s thrashing and shaking apart, thighs clenched so hard around Dave’s wrist that the boy couldn’t escape even if he wanted him to.

Dave is gentle pulling off his bulge but Karkat convulses anyway, watching in distant fascination at how much bright red-tinted drool comes out of Dave’s mouth when he draws away. It runs down his chin and stains his shirt, darkens the front of his pants where his dick is obviously hard and ready for more. He tries to pull his hand out but Karkat yelps and jerks and _fuck_ , too sensitive, just— “Just stop moving for a sec,” he pleads, clutching onto Dave’s wrist.

Across from them, Aradia and Sollux have stopped, graciously accepting defeat. (Or cheating, because he doesn’t think she came, and if they have another race to orgasm she’ll be closer than he will, giving her an unfair advantage.) “Wow,” Aradia comments.

“I’ll have to remember that trick for next time,” Sollux says, nodding as he swipes burgundy nookslime off his face.

“Don’t give up now, Captain Vantas,” Aradia says, cheery. “We still have one more round to go, after all!”

Karkat groans, because he’s dead and Dave killed him. Dave doesn’t seem to have a problem with that, and is visibly preening despite a) making no outward expression, and b) still having his hand buried in Karkat’s nook. Aradia crawls over, helpfully grabbing Dave by the wrist and gently pulling his hand out, ignoring how Karkat thrashes and complains the entire time.

Then it’s gone, and he’s empty, and it feels weirdly lonely, and he thinks he’ll have to make Dave fuck him with his dick some time, thick and hard and good and filling him up nicely, not as awkward as a hand to leave inside while he gets gooey and sleepy all over his cabin boy.

“Any ideas for the last trial?” Aradia prods, obviously having a ton of fun watching him struggle to recover after such an intense orgasm.

“I’ve got an idea,” Dave says, fingers tracing an absent circle over Karkat’s thigh.

“Let’s hear it!”

“It’s called: you leave us the fuck alone for a second,” he says in complete deadpan, drumming the fingers of his other hand on his knee. Karkat finds the energy to snicker.

Aradia rolls her eyes and smiles good-naturedly. “I _suppose_. Five minutes, okay?”

Dave waves a hand at her. “Whatever, sure.”

“Okay!” Aradia jumps to her feet and grabs Sollux, dragging him some distance away to give them room.

Dave ends up on all fours hovering above Karkat, looking down at him contemplatively. “Hey,” he says.

Karkat grunts. “Hey.”

“How you doin’?”

Snorting, Karkat lifts a hand to pap at Dave’s cheek, sighting out his hidden question/meaning. “You did great, Dave. Don’t worry. Stop fussing.” He says it, but he doesn’t actually mean it, nor does he expect Dave to stop—which is good, because he doesn’t. Dave leans down to kiss his temple, then smirks.

“You’re gonna be up and kickin’ in time for us to murder these punks in the final round, right Cap?”

“You goddamn bet,” Karkat says, wheezing as he pushes himself up, hissing at how his oversensitive nook throbs. “Though I might need more than five minutes.”

“Nonsense,” Aradia calls from across the room, where she was obviously eavesdropping. “The legendary Captain Karkat Vantas had better not be crapping out on me now like this! What are you, some kind of lightweight?”

“Them’s fightin’ words,” Dave comments flatly.

“Yeah, fuck that,” Karkat growls, rolling to his knees. “In fact, this time, we switch. I’ll do my best not to get off at _all_ , and your cabin slut can try his hardest to make it happen anyway.”

Her grin is fierce as she grabs Sollux, dragging him closer. “Bring it,” she says, already shoving Sollux’s face toward his crotch.


End file.
